At a distance

i just jotted down and saved this thought of mine in my phone on 4/10/8 Sat after the adults rehearsals. 

"Just metres away yet it feels like thousands of miles apart.. Sigh. Just in front of me yet i can't even look directly into his eyes like the way i used to nor at his direction. Somethings lost.. No matter how much you run for it.. you will never be able to reach it in the end"

that was wad ate at my heart as i sat there n stared.. try not to be too obvious.. try not to be too openly showing that i still cared a hell lot. 

i've never felt the way when i love some1.. he doesnt love me back.. worse still his heart is on some1 else. i guess i needa learn the hard way of life. 

Once u decide to cross that line of friendship, if it doesnt quite work out the way you speculate it to be, there's no turning back. it's impossible that the both of you can revert back to the way you guys used to be such good friends before. never. 

kelvin asked what's wrong with me n him. i thought i expected this kinda question pretty often this period of time, but my heart still cringed like it did when i first had those queries thrown at me. he was shocked, no doubt. he asked how long has it been. 3 mths i answered and he was more than just shocked. repeatedly, he asked if its real. and then he said he had always wanted to ask cuz he noticed the difference, and who initiated it? i wanted to say do i look like i did? but i din. i think i don hv the courage to talk further abt it. i still don. at the same time i looked ahead of me n pushed back those tears and said i didn wan to talk abt it anymore. 

i still hv those tears in my eyes whenever ppl ask. hw i wish i cld say...no la..how is that possible. well.. but its a reality guys. i hv to learn it that way. and one day.. one day i will find the courage to talk abt it again.. to find that courage to fight those sorrows within me and not hv those tears in my eyes again.